Heroes Proclaimed : WVU battles binge drinking by selling beer at stadium
“WVU officials say they are ready for beer inside stadium”
Far be it from me to discourage access to beer. Far be it from me to criticize “officials” for “trying to make money.” Far be it from me to criticize officials for trying to make money under the guise of stupid assumptions. But first, this:
“It’s an added responsibility for us,” athletic director Oliver Luck said. “We’ve said to our fans, through various communications, that we want to treat everyone like an adult. Let’s not screw this up and not have it next year. I feel pretty good that we’ll get it right.”
I’m with ya, Coach! I feel pretty good that we’ll get this right too! Though, I think you’re saying that if we don’t screw it up, we won’t have beer next year, Senor Double Negative. That is a poor rewards system. I’m puking on you first, and banging your wife in a luxury box second in order to keep my beer privileges.
A beer will run fans $7 to $9 a pop….”Not many students can afford that,” said Jason Bailey, president of the WVU student body. “But I think from a student perspective, the idea of beer being sold at the stadium is great. It’s going to be interesting to see what happens.”
Nice try, Jason Bailey. If the students can’t afford the beer, then why is it great from their perspective? You are practically peeing your pants with delight at the prospect of not having to smuggle in SoCo bottles jammed up your armpits. Student loans were invented in order to afford $9 beers, you sly trickster.
Several new safeguards have been put in place, the most notable being the end of a “pass-out” program, where fans were able to leave the game at halftime, throw a few back at their tailgate party and return for the second half.
Here is where I understand that all involved are in on the ruse. There is already a “pass-out” program. Everyone is just so tickled about being able to get drunk under the honest gaze of Sodexho.
WVU is also encouraging responsible drinking by …promoting their “High Five Rules” of the game: No excessive drinking, no foul or abusive language, no smoking in the seating or concourse areas, no throwing things onto the field and no ignoring instructions of security.
Meta! That is a rule about rules right there!
It’s just a huge giggle-fest over there in Morgantown righ tnow. “Dude, I think they’re gonna let us get away with it! Shh! Shh! Straight-face, somber church-face, ‘Yes, it will be a real honor to prove what responsi-*snerk*-sponsible young ladies and men we are here at WVU, thank you ma’am and God bless the baby orphans.’”
